One Year Passes

Dear Daddy,
It can't believe it has already been a year since we lost you. How did that even happen? I still don't understand how the world kept turning after you were gone. I remember driving down the street and being angry at all the people going about their lives without a care, when my dear sweet daddy wasn't here anymore.

The anger isn't as intense, but the sadness never goes away. I'm able to smile and laugh and find joy in life but every time I find that joy, I want desperately to tell you about it. I still haven't been able to take you out of my cell phone.

So much has happened in the last year, Daddy. I am really starting to heal and rebuild after several years of unhappiness. I know you worried about me a lot but I'm actually doing really well. I'm finally following my dream and loving nursing school, despite the stress. I love my new city and my friends and I wish you had been here when we moved all my stuff in. I remember when we did that back east, and then ordered our favorite takeout.

And then there is S. I'm sure you would have worried (as usual) that I was rushing headlong into a new passion, without being ready for a new romance when I was still healing from an old one. To be honest, I was worried too for a while. But there are so many things about him that remind me of you. To me, that is the highest compliment I could pay anyone, that he is like you. He knows what it's like to lose a beloved parent to cancer. He was part of Team Dougie this year, and he has become my rock now. I would like to believe that when you look down, you are truly happy that I have met someone who treasures me the way S does. I know it's what you always wanted for all of us - to have the kind of the relationship you had with Mom.

Sometimes when I think about all of the moments you will miss, I get really sad. You did get to walk me down the aisle, but I wish you were here now to watch us all find our way. You would have been the most amazing grandfather. I wish you and Mom were able to retire together and really take advantage of those empty nester years that were just getting started. We miss your antics at parties and your cooking and skills at mixing Cosmopolitans. I miss hearing your voice on the other end of the line - "just checkin' in," as you always said. Certain things remind me of you and I talk about you as much as I can, to keep you alive and to remember how good I really had it when I had you as my Daddy. I still have it good because I'll always have you in my heart. I just wish you were here still for Eskimo kisses and bear hugs.

I love you all the way from the garage door to the living room wall.

I miss you every day,
Tiney
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo