At long last, here is the finished product of our Team Dougie '09 slideshow!
This year the theme was "Team Dougie Is Everywhere." Many of our loved ones could not physically be at the track for the Relay, so we encouraged folks to do something active in honor of Daddy and send us pictures of what they did.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
I Could Touch Him
I had a dream about my Dad last night. It was so very vivid! I dreamt that he came back to us...my mom walked into the room and said "Daddy's back!" and he came in with a gigantic grin on his face and his arms wide open for a HUGE hug. Neither of us let go for the longest time.
The only thing was, we all knew that he could only stay for a limited amount of time and the catch was that we would have to watch him get sick all over again. So I gave him a list with all of the things I wanted to do with him and for him for the time we had ... especially get married so that he could be there. Somehow I knew he wasn't going to be around long enough for me to have babies, but I wanted him to get to know S and walk me down the aisle when the time came.
I think the dream was sparked by my pediatric clinical rotation yesterday...the weekly art activity was focused on making gifts for Father's Day, a holiday I have been mentally avoiding since the first commercials started airing earlier this month.
I woke up in tears and S held me and let me cry. Every time I think about the dream, the tears well up all over again. I'm not sure where this latest surge of emotion is coming from, but I'm just gonna let it happen and ride the wave. There's no such thing as a timetable for grieving.
What's even stranger is that after my dream, I started looking for bereavement groups in the area, something I've been meaning to do since I moved here and have kept putting off. Not only did I find a group specifically for young adults, but I also found a potential part-time job at the same organization (we've been stressing about money because my financial aid package took a major hit this summer). An organization that has the same first name as my dad!! If that isn't someone watching over me...
The only thing was, we all knew that he could only stay for a limited amount of time and the catch was that we would have to watch him get sick all over again. So I gave him a list with all of the things I wanted to do with him and for him for the time we had ... especially get married so that he could be there. Somehow I knew he wasn't going to be around long enough for me to have babies, but I wanted him to get to know S and walk me down the aisle when the time came.
I think the dream was sparked by my pediatric clinical rotation yesterday...the weekly art activity was focused on making gifts for Father's Day, a holiday I have been mentally avoiding since the first commercials started airing earlier this month.
I woke up in tears and S held me and let me cry. Every time I think about the dream, the tears well up all over again. I'm not sure where this latest surge of emotion is coming from, but I'm just gonna let it happen and ride the wave. There's no such thing as a timetable for grieving.
What's even stranger is that after my dream, I started looking for bereavement groups in the area, something I've been meaning to do since I moved here and have kept putting off. Not only did I find a group specifically for young adults, but I also found a potential part-time job at the same organization (we've been stressing about money because my financial aid package took a major hit this summer). An organization that has the same first name as my dad!! If that isn't someone watching over me...
Monday, December 15, 2008
Holiday Spirit
Christmas is even harder this year than last. It sure doesn't hurt any less.
But Daddy would appreciate his family doing the Charleston ... :)
But Daddy would appreciate his family doing the Charleston ... :)
Send your own ElfYourself eCards
Friday, September 26, 2008
One Year Passes
Dear Daddy,
It can't believe it has already been a year since we lost you. How did that even happen? I still don't understand how the world kept turning after you were gone. I remember driving down the street and being angry at all the people going about their lives without a care, when my dear sweet daddy wasn't here anymore.
The anger isn't as intense, but the sadness never goes away. I'm able to smile and laugh and find joy in life but every time I find that joy, I want desperately to tell you about it. I still haven't been able to take you out of my cell phone.
So much has happened in the last year, Daddy. I am really starting to heal and rebuild after several years of unhappiness. I know you worried about me a lot but I'm actually doing really well. I'm finally following my dream and loving nursing school, despite the stress. I love my new city and my friends and I wish you had been here when we moved all my stuff in. I remember when we did that back east, and then ordered our favorite takeout.
And then there is S. I'm sure you would have worried (as usual) that I was rushing headlong into a new passion, without being ready for a new romance when I was still healing from an old one. To be honest, I was worried too for a while. But there are so many things about him that remind me of you. To me, that is the highest compliment I could pay anyone, that he is like you. He knows what it's like to lose a beloved parent to cancer. He was part of Team Dougie this year, and he has become my rock now. I would like to believe that when you look down, you are truly happy that I have met someone who treasures me the way S does. I know it's what you always wanted for all of us - to have the kind of the relationship you had with Mom.
Sometimes when I think about all of the moments you will miss, I get really sad. You did get to walk me down the aisle, but I wish you were here now to watch us all find our way. You would have been the most amazing grandfather. I wish you and Mom were able to retire together and really take advantage of those empty nester years that were just getting started. We miss your antics at parties and your cooking and skills at mixing Cosmopolitans. I miss hearing your voice on the other end of the line - "just checkin' in," as you always said. Certain things remind me of you and I talk about you as much as I can, to keep you alive and to remember how good I really had it when I had you as my Daddy. I still have it good because I'll always have you in my heart. I just wish you were here still for Eskimo kisses and bear hugs.
I love you all the way from the garage door to the living room wall.
I miss you every day,
Tiney
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
It can't believe it has already been a year since we lost you. How did that even happen? I still don't understand how the world kept turning after you were gone. I remember driving down the street and being angry at all the people going about their lives without a care, when my dear sweet daddy wasn't here anymore.
The anger isn't as intense, but the sadness never goes away. I'm able to smile and laugh and find joy in life but every time I find that joy, I want desperately to tell you about it. I still haven't been able to take you out of my cell phone.
So much has happened in the last year, Daddy. I am really starting to heal and rebuild after several years of unhappiness. I know you worried about me a lot but I'm actually doing really well. I'm finally following my dream and loving nursing school, despite the stress. I love my new city and my friends and I wish you had been here when we moved all my stuff in. I remember when we did that back east, and then ordered our favorite takeout.
And then there is S. I'm sure you would have worried (as usual) that I was rushing headlong into a new passion, without being ready for a new romance when I was still healing from an old one. To be honest, I was worried too for a while. But there are so many things about him that remind me of you. To me, that is the highest compliment I could pay anyone, that he is like you. He knows what it's like to lose a beloved parent to cancer. He was part of Team Dougie this year, and he has become my rock now. I would like to believe that when you look down, you are truly happy that I have met someone who treasures me the way S does. I know it's what you always wanted for all of us - to have the kind of the relationship you had with Mom.
Sometimes when I think about all of the moments you will miss, I get really sad. You did get to walk me down the aisle, but I wish you were here now to watch us all find our way. You would have been the most amazing grandfather. I wish you and Mom were able to retire together and really take advantage of those empty nester years that were just getting started. We miss your antics at parties and your cooking and skills at mixing Cosmopolitans. I miss hearing your voice on the other end of the line - "just checkin' in," as you always said. Certain things remind me of you and I talk about you as much as I can, to keep you alive and to remember how good I really had it when I had you as my Daddy. I still have it good because I'll always have you in my heart. I just wish you were here still for Eskimo kisses and bear hugs.
I love you all the way from the garage door to the living room wall.
I miss you every day,
Tiney
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Our Cancer
I had a dream last night that journalist and my favorite blogger Leroy Sievers died. His lifetime partner Laurie had posted yesterday that things were a little rough but he would be back next week. That must still have been on my mind when I went to bed last night.
This morning I woke up to the news that Leroy did indeed pass away. The details are scarce at this point but it sounds as if it happened quickly, which in "cancer world" can be a good thing.
I am very sad. Leroy helped me sort through a lot of my emotions about Dad's cancer. And even though my father only lived six months after diagnosis, while Leroy made it 2 1/2 years after being told he had 6 months to live, I can't really resent him for living, can't I? I think what I truly appreciated was that he gave a voice to all of the unspeakable thoughts and feelings that surround people living with cancer. And he encouraged us to speak out too. His blog was one of the inspirations for changing the focus of my own. I felt it was important to tell our story so that perhaps someone in the middle of Oklahoma somewhere might come across it and feel the slightest bit of comfort that they weren't alone in their own cancer journey.
Leroy did that for millions of people.
We will miss him.
This morning I woke up to the news that Leroy did indeed pass away. The details are scarce at this point but it sounds as if it happened quickly, which in "cancer world" can be a good thing.
I am very sad. Leroy helped me sort through a lot of my emotions about Dad's cancer. And even though my father only lived six months after diagnosis, while Leroy made it 2 1/2 years after being told he had 6 months to live, I can't really resent him for living, can't I? I think what I truly appreciated was that he gave a voice to all of the unspeakable thoughts and feelings that surround people living with cancer. And he encouraged us to speak out too. His blog was one of the inspirations for changing the focus of my own. I felt it was important to tell our story so that perhaps someone in the middle of Oklahoma somewhere might come across it and feel the slightest bit of comfort that they weren't alone in their own cancer journey.
Leroy did that for millions of people.
We will miss him.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A New Chapter
So my sabbatical year at home with family has come to an end. This afternoon we packed up my grandparents' RV with all of my stuff and we'll head out first thing tomorrow morning for my new city. Nursing school is just around the corner - orientation starts July 23th and my first clinical class starts the 28th. Fall semester officially begins August 25th.
It is crazy how much my life (and for that matter, my body) has transformed in the past year. I moved across the country, cared for my father and watched him slip away, grieved, began to heal, found an exercise routine and learned to love veggies and hard boiled eggs, filed for divorce, got into nursing school (again), lost almost 50 pounds, and fell in love. Whew, I'm exhausted just remembering it all.
But I needed this year. Things were really beginning to unravel and although the healing continues, my mind, heart, soul and body are all much improved. Even better, I am really excited about this next step...although somewhat nervous about unravelling again. If there's anything I learned this year, it's the importance of 1) taking care of yourself, 2) surrounding yourself with people you love, and 3) following your heart. I knew all that intuitively before, but this roller coaster of a year was a lesson in life and love.
And with the next step comes the semi-retirement of this blog. I will still post from time to time with milestones, anniversaries, remembrances and other tributes to Daddy. But as I move forward, I find it appropriate to hang my hat for a while. The nursing school blog I've been keeping since December will pick up where this left off, and will be chock full of horror stories, amusing anecdotes, and continued insight into what it means to be a young female nurse-to-be trying to navigate the world.
So here we go...
It is crazy how much my life (and for that matter, my body) has transformed in the past year. I moved across the country, cared for my father and watched him slip away, grieved, began to heal, found an exercise routine and learned to love veggies and hard boiled eggs, filed for divorce, got into nursing school (again), lost almost 50 pounds, and fell in love. Whew, I'm exhausted just remembering it all.
But I needed this year. Things were really beginning to unravel and although the healing continues, my mind, heart, soul and body are all much improved. Even better, I am really excited about this next step...although somewhat nervous about unravelling again. If there's anything I learned this year, it's the importance of 1) taking care of yourself, 2) surrounding yourself with people you love, and 3) following your heart. I knew all that intuitively before, but this roller coaster of a year was a lesson in life and love.
And with the next step comes the semi-retirement of this blog. I will still post from time to time with milestones, anniversaries, remembrances and other tributes to Daddy. But as I move forward, I find it appropriate to hang my hat for a while. The nursing school blog I've been keeping since December will pick up where this left off, and will be chock full of horror stories, amusing anecdotes, and continued insight into what it means to be a young female nurse-to-be trying to navigate the world.
So here we go...
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Proud Like a Mama
We have our own little graduate this year. Kabi passed puppy training!!
Here she is in all of her "cap and gown" splendor and adorableness.
Here she is in all of her "cap and gown" splendor and adorableness.
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