The "D-Word"

One significant chapter of my life is coming to a close. After trying valiantly for 2.5 years, I've decided to end my marriage. The divorce process is underway and it is a bittersweet experience. Thank God I can file here in California, which does not have an antiquated law like North Carolina's about having to be physically separated for a year before even being able to petition.

The writing has been on the wall for a long time, even before my father got sick last year. Through a combination of tragic experiences, culture clashes and financial stress, we found ourselves drifting apart. And the harder we both tried to fix things, the worse it got because our methods of trying to mend fences were completely opposite. When I moved here last summer, I knew that the months apart would be the final straw.

My friend pointed out to me the other day that we got married somewhat under duress because it was either get hitched or don't be together, thanks to immigration policies that required us to say our vows within 90 days of his arrival with a K-1 fiance visa. Under "normal" circumstances, we would have lived together and realized that it just wasn't working long before I walked down that aisle.

I married him because I genuinely believed I would spend my life with him (and have ADORABLE children). I loved him then, and always will. The problems were never about disliking each other or fighting all the time. There is just a fundamental incompatibility (not only due to cultural differences) that cannot be bridged no matter how hard we have tried. Our fondness for one another is not enough to make a marriage work. But we like and respect each other enough that I hope we have laid the foundation for a lasting and fond friendship.

So what's next for Teeny Jo? I take back my maiden name (never to be legally changed again, thankyouverymuch). I focus on healing from a hell of a 2007. I keep up the healthy choices and focus on how to make sure I never again let others control my emotions and self-perception. I resume my pursuit of my vocation in nursing. I dip my toe back into the dating pool, but only ever so gingerly. That's the worst part of divorce, in my opinion. You automatically have your guard up against every new guy that comes along. I am willing to give it another go but "Caution" signs abound.

But still, 2008 continues to be the year of the Teeny. I am thankful for that.